This is the birth story that I never thought I’d write. With two wonderful daughters, I honestly felt so content (and let’s be honest, also incredibly overwhelmed.) I had two kids, two years apart, I’d finally gotten a great freelancing gig and was working full-time, busier than ever. Life was full in the best way. While my husband and I had originally planned for 3 kids, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what adding a third little soul to our family would look like. So we went on living as a family of 4. We moved to a new state and then the world shifted in the most dramatic way possible, hello pandemic!
Like so many others, we we were thrust into a very uncertain world. Time passed, and life went on. My girls were getting older and their bond grew and grew. Then I turned 35 (that magical advanced maternal age) and I wondered if my family was complete. On one hand, I knew that what I had was so so good. I had two amazing healthy girls, a husband, a home, my health(!) what more could I need. But then my grandma passed away. Something awoke in me. I told my husband, let’s just see what happens, and off we went. We got pregnant (yay!) but alas it wasn’t meant to be. I had another miscarriage (my fourth) and ended up needing a D&C. I was slightly traumatized to say the least. Yet the experience reaffirmed for me that yes, I did indeed want another child to add to our family. I had always heard the phrase of “picturing who you want around your dining table” and I couldn’t get the vision of an extra high chair out of my head. Yes my girls were in this magical age where they were more independent and generally played so well together, would adding another to the mix break up that magical mix? Though I knew that I at least wanted to try for one more member of the family, I also knew that I wanted my body to fully heal. About 6 months after the loss, I was finally in a place where I thought I could go through the emotional rollercoaster of trying for another baby.
Alas, this time it was meant to be. Sorry I know this is meant to be a birth story but I really feel like some context is needed but let me fast forward a bit! About April 2022, we found out we were expecting and though I was happy, I was also cognizant of the fact that there was a long journey ahead. Being over 35 this pregnancy was treated very differently than my first two (I was geriatric after all lol) ok ok technically the term is now advanced maternal age but let me tell you I felt very reminded of my age each and every appointment. Luckily things continued progressing well and my due date of January 4th was soon almost upon us! I was hoping that the baby would not arrive during the holidays and luckily Baby G3 as we lovingly referred to her at the time stayed put. Because of my “advanced” age I was put on a list to be induced and it was a waiting game. It turned out that I didn’t need to be induced at all. My waters broke! This was a new experience for me, luckily one of my best friends is an Ob-Gyn so I texted her and asked what to do, she laughed and said I should go to the hospital.
This is the part where I should mention that it was New Year’s Eve! Though Baby G3 did not come during Christmas, apparently he/she (we chose to wait to find out the sex till birth) was going to arrive sometime around the New year! Once we got to the hospital they confirmed that yes it was amniotic fluid and I was officially admitted. It was about noon on December 31. Because I had tested positive for Group B strep, I had to have two doses of antibiotics (though I certainly hadn’t had time during my second birth ha!) It was honestly the most relaxed birthing experience I’d ever had. I wasn’t feeling many contractions because it was still so early in the process and it almost felt like a kid-free date night lol
I felt pretty good, the pain was manageable and since I’d had my other two kiddos without an epidural, I’d declined the offer from the nurse to get one. I should have known better that when things get real for me, they get f*cking real haha Let’s just say that after about 9ish hours of fairly light contractions, things took a turn. With my last birth, I had progressed very quickly from feeling not very much to being fully dilated. So in theory, I should have known this was a risk lol But alas.
The amazing nurse we’d had all evening came in and started talking to me as I roared through my contractions. Earlier in the night, she’d said because I didn’t have an epidural it would be up to me to dictate when it was go time. I remember her saying something like “when you’re ready, we’ll know. Your body will tell you” and indeed when she came in toward the end of my labor she said “yep sounds like you’re ready.” Once I realized that it was indeed time and I had to push this baby out of me, I just closed my eyes and tried my best to breathe through the contractions while silently (or maybe not so silently) cursing lol While sadly my wish for an all-female birth team was not realized (the on call doctor was a dude boo lol sorry not sorry I just prefer female practitioners) the next thing I know it was time to push. At this point, I was in a lot of pain (to say the least) and though I’d done this two times, it’s still a very intense feeling coupled with the emotional blur of realizing it’s game time and I will meet my baby soon!
I pushed for what I later learned was about 20ish minutes (but naturally felt like eternity during) and next thing I know (4 minutes into the new year) my baby was being placed on my chest. Though my husband was the one who initially was supposed to check the sex I ended up glancing down and realizing it was another precious baby girl. We couldn’t be happier. She is truly the perfect little puzzle piece to our family and now that she’s here, we can’t imagine life without her. Helena means “shining light” and she is our little star, bringing a fresh new energy to our family dynamic and making us complete.
It’s now been 18 months since her arrival and I wanted to document her birth just as I’d done with her sisters’. It’s not lost on me what a beautiful miracle it is to be a mom of three daughters. At times, I still can’t believe I now have 3 kids! ha! Being a slightly older mom this time around, and a much more experienced one at that, made the postpartum part so much easier for me. I’m keenly aware that really all of childhood is one of those “this too shall pass” moments. There are hard times of course, but in general I have a perspective of intense gratitude for the honor of being able to mother these three precious souls. It certainly did help that she was a true dream baby 🙂 but I’d like to think even if the newborn days were more challenging, I’d still hold the same deep gratitude for the family that I was lucky enough to build with my husband.
All in all, though I was on the fence about adding a third child to our family, I’m so glad for the extra time to truly reflect on the vision we have for our future. Nothing in life is guaranteed and I’ll be forever grateful that I got to be a mom to these three.
For all you expectant mamas out there, you got this! Sending positive vibes and so much love on your journey <3
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