How to get a baby back to breast (after a bottle feeding preference)

First of all, I want to start by saying of course there is no right or wrong way to feed your baby. Whether to breast or bottle feed (or both) is a personal choice that every mother needs to make for herself. Breastfeeding is something that I chose to do and luckily for the most part have had success with. Having breastfed my older daughter for 21 months I knew that I wanted to do so again the second time around. What I did want to change was to have the option of bottle feeding (my oldest refused one.) Little did I know that my desire to have the best of both worlds so to speak (a combination of breastfeeding and bottle feeding pumped milk) would result in my baby developing a preference for the bottle and rejecting my boob entirely. Ah motherhood, always unpredictable right?!

We started giving our daughter about one bottle every 1-2 days at a week old. All was fine at first and I couldn’t believe my good luck! At about 2-3 months, my daughter started to show a strong preference for the bottle so I cut way back. Then one day I was gone for a few hours and she had a couple bottles, just a few days later she stopped taking the breast entirely. I was devastated to say the least. (She would luckily still nurse at night but I was scared soon she’d not want to do that either.) It was very emotional for me and I felt like she was rejecting me (even though I know that wasn’t the case I couldn’t help how I felt.) Pumping was also a ton of work and since I work from home and am with her all day, not convenient! Needless to say, I was pretty desperate to get her back to the boob.

I Googled endlessly for answers, scoured mom groups, various Instagram accounts you name it. I chatted with other moms who had had similar experiences and even spoke with a lactation consultant who offered general tips. I began to accept the fact that I might have to exclusively pump. But I wanted to give breastfeeding one more try. I stumbled upon a post and read through the comments. One mom shared a video about what helped get her daughter to the breast (after being exclusively bottle fed for 4 months.) I was hopeful that since my daughter was still taking the boob at night I could convince her to feed from me again during the day also. The method this mom shared was described as “starving the suck.” Basically, since babies are born with a preference for sucking (bottles, boobs or pacifiers) if I denied my daughter the suck, eventually she would cave and take from the breast again.

Here’s what I did:

Always offer the breast first. If they reject it, stop and regroup. Trust me, forcing them when they’re turning away is NOT going to work and will make it even worse. But still always worth a try to offer the breast, you never know when they might latch so worth the effort.

Keep the baby moving. What worked for me was rocking her while I was trying to get her to latch. A calm, quiet atmosphere also helped. Sometimes, I’d literally have to continue rocking her throughout the whole feed (luckily she was a fast, efficient feeder.) This definitely wasn’t always comfortable but I was just happy she was latched and eating so I soldiered on.

Continue feeding them. A hungry baby will be even more fussy and less inclined to latch so make sure you keep baby fed. Since you want to “starve the suck” your remaining feeding options are cup or syringe feeding. Both options suck to be honest. They’re hard and messy but they will work you just have to be patient. Keep in mind, feedings will take much longer so be sure to set aside more time.

Never let your baby go hungry! I found myself syringe/cup feeding my daughter throughout the day because I was paranoid about not letting her be hungry. Monitor their poo/pee diapers to ensure they’re hydrated and getting enough to eat.

Stay calm and work at it one day at a time. I was so frustrated to be honest. I was emotionally all over the place, sad that my breastfeeding journey wasn’t going like I hoped it would and mad at my daughter for rejecting something I could provide for her. Having to pump and then fill a bottle after her rejecting my breast was truly heartbreaking. However, little by little as I began to see progress, my spirits started to lift. With each feed that she accepted more readily I was hopeful we would eventually get to a place where breastfeeding felt enjoyable again.

After a few days, she was fussing less and less at the breast. Within 1-2 weeks we definitely had a turning point. She no longer fought to get on the breast and latched without issue. I was ecstatic! It’s now been 3 months since her last bottle and our breastfeeding relationship continues. She still prefers a calm, dark environment but overall it’s been amazing. I can say our bond has strengthened so much since returning to exclusive breastfeeding. I know it’s not for everyone, but for me, nursing is something I truly love and really appreciate. Now that I almost didn’t get to have this experience the second time around, it’s reaffirmed to me just how special it is. I know plenty of mamas who bonded more with their children when bottle feeding so it’s an absolute personal preference. I know when I was in the midst of all this, I searched like crazy for stories like mine. In case you’re experiencing something like this, please feel free to reach out! Happy to be a resource or just offer some support.